Why It’s Okay to Take a Step Back

After a two year hiatus from the blog, I am back!  I plan to post to this blog and my social media with regularity.  But I would like to address why I have been quiet on here and what I’ve learned.

Before the pandemic, I was a direct sales consultant, hoping to become an author. But I was struggling with knowing if it was a matter of operating essentially two businesses alongside each other, or pivoting from one to the other.  This uncertainty was largely responsible for the decline in my business, which I’ve written about previously here.  But the declining business also fed my own insecurity. And so I was clinging to it, continuing to push myself to work harder, do more. In short, I was afraid to let go of what I thought was the “sure thing” to pursue my passion.

I realized that if I was going to be afraid either way, I might as well do the thing that I wanted to do, even if it did scare me.

When the pandemic hit, I was faced with the realization that I was just afraid no matter what. Afraid to pursue writing – my lifelong dream – but also now afraid to continue with direct sales too. Before, it had seemed a conflict between the two, but I realized that if I was going to be afraid either way, I might as well do the thing that I wanted to do, even if it did scare me.

So I notified my team and the corporate office that I was resigning from my leadership position to write my book.  And I did a bunch of writing for a while. And then, well…stuff happened that got in the way of writing.  I got pregnant with our second daughter, my cat died, and my dad reached out to me out of the blue. Not to mention I saw my former team killing it in sales, and even though I felt like I had made the right decision for myself, it was hard not to feel like maybe I was missing out. And let’s just say, everything combined to throw me off my equilibrium.  So you want to know what I did?

I said “fuck it. I need to get out of here,” which I mean purely in a metaphorical way because what could a pregnant woman really do at the beginning of the pandemic to “get away?” 

So I started reading Outlander. Lots and lots of Outlander.  Like all 7500 pages of Diana Gabaldon’s marvelously engrossing series. And then you want to know what I did next?  I read the entire series again. 

Yes. Really.

The most important thing that I learned by stepping back was that for the first time in a long time, I found myself actually happy.

And there’s a lot that I learned about myself in that process.  But the most important thing that I learned by stepping back was that for the first time in a long time, I found myself actually happy. I wasn’t stressed out, as I had constantly felt for, well, as far back as I can actually remember really.

And I know I’m not alone in feeling a constant pressure to do more.  I think a lot of it comes from capitalism’s influence on Western culture, and in particular in the technological age.  We are constantly bombarded by images of people’s success, which we compare ourselves to.  Capitalism values perpetual growth, causing us to constantly push forward.  But humans are not meant to be machines.  Our energy is more cyclical, like the moon.  We need to honor the ebb and flow of our energy.  

We need to honor the ebb and flow of our energy.  

Logically, we all know that we need to take breaks sometimes, but often, it is easier said than done.  I’m fortunate enough that I was able to walk away from a business that, while profitable, was standing in the way of my goals and happiness.  I realize that not everyone is able to make quite the drastic choice that I did.  

And I should clarify that the decision wasn’t quite as whimsical as all that makes it sound.  In actuality, I was trying to balance three jobs:  my direct sales business, authoring a book, and being a stay at home mom.  Prior to the pandemic, I had assistance with childcare, but when COVID started, we went into lock down.  It was no longer feasible for me to do all three without more help, and I was supporting my husband by providing the child care.  In that way, it was easier for me to let go of the business that I had once loved, but had ultimately become a chore.

When we try to control a situation, it stifles inspiration to find other solutions. 

I find that a lot of times, when we try to control a situation, it stifles inspiration to find other solutions.  And that’s why taking a break can help.  It enables you to release control for a while to allow for inspiration to strike.  So, if you find that you are spinning your wheels in an area of your life, and you’ve been looking for a reason to step away, even if it’s only for a little while, here’s your sign and your permission slip to say yes to yourself.  Sometimes, taking a break is exactly the thing you need, so you can figure out what steps you need to take next to bring you closer to your goals. 

Here’s your sign and your permission slip to say yes to yourself.  

With that said, you’ll be seeing more of me on here, but I’m committed to honoring the ebb and flow of my own energy and creating systems that enable me to be consistent.  

So you’ll be seeing one blog post a month, and two posts per week on my Instagram for now.  I do have other visions for my social media, but I’m a firm believer in setting goals that are achievable and this is where I am.  I’m working on the second draft of my memoir, which I hope to have completed by the end of July.  And then I will put it in a drawer (metaphorically, seeing as how it’s actually in electronic format) until September, so I can come back with fresh perspective.  

Often times, we want to push forward and get to our goals so fast. But sometimes, it just takes time. We need to honor that, and keep moving forward, no matter how slowly.

Who else has a goal you want to work on, but it seems like life has slowed you down? Put it out to the universe what it is that you’d like to accomplish, and share it below! Let’s cheer each other on!