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I originally found the book, Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls, in a list of some of the best memoirs to read. I thought it sounded like I might be able to relate to it because I grew up without my father too. While I was surprised to find that the author’s father was in fact alive and physically present through most of her childhood, I related to her story of neglect due to her parents’ addictions. Although my mom’s addictions were quite different, the resulting anger was similar. Madden tells her struggles and moments of shame with bare honesty, which is incredibly healing for both author and reader.
Madden’s memoir tells of her coming of age in Boca Raton, FL in the 1990s and early 2000s. Of note, she is the niece of famous shoe designer, Steve Madden, and the daughter of a man who worked with Jordan Belfort, aka the Wolf of Wallstreet. Despite the financial privilege she grew up in, her childhood was particularly difficult, due to her parents’ substance abuse issues, which often played out in shockingly traumatic ways. While her father was in fact alive until her 20s, the title, Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls, captures the essence of her rebellion against neglectful parents, as she she navigated a childhood of bullies, sexual predators, and coming to terms with her own sexuality. While Madden represents both the Asian-Pacific Islander and LGBTQ communities, her portrayal of the social pressure young women face to be objects of men’s sexual desire make her story highly relatable to other – particularly female – readers, even when she tells us of the most shameful and horrifying experiences she endured.
What I felt makes this book such a particularly compelling read is that Madden has perfectly embodied the old adage of writing teachers: show, don’t tell. In fact, in the acknowledgements section of the book (yes, I’m that weirdo that loves to read the acknowledgments too, which I can only explain because of my aspirations to be an author myself), she writes a thank you to who I must surmise was her writing teacher for “teaching [her] how to draw a house in that first writing class I ever took.” From the very beginning of the book, Madden describes her memories to the reader, with little to no contextual explanation at all. Initially, it creates a sense of confusion for the reader, which illustrates what Madden herself must have felt at the time. But it is that very sense of confusion which causes the book to read like a mystery novel.
I personally knew very little about the author going into the book beyond the title, and I found that I kept asking questions, which propelled me forward. From the very first chapter, she says that her father “slips up often and calls me Son,” which I found particularly intriguing. She waits until the very last few pages to reveal the answer to that question, but it provides important foreshadowing for a completely unexpected – but thoroughly thought provoking – reveal about her family’s secrets.
One thing that is particularly striking about this memoir is that many of the scenarios Madden experienced seem almost hard to believe in the same way that one says truth is often stranger than fiction. As someone who always thought I had a fucked up childhood, I had to pause at times to actually ask myself if my experience was as really bad as I thought? Which is really my way of saying just how impressed I am with Madden’s writing.
I realized that what makes Madden’s writing so incredible is that she doesn’t try to make past versions of herself more likable. Not once does she shy away from setting the reader directly in her shoes, even during the most embarrassing or harrowing experiences. Therefore, when she later takes creative license in writing some sections from her mother’s perspective, the reader still feels like we can believe her.
Personally, as an aspiring memoirist, I felt it was an outstanding example of a quality memoir, which I can only hope that I’m able to emulate. Without giving the conclusion away, Madden succeeds in showing the reader how she is able to navigate acceptance and compassion for herself and her family. I feel that it certainly is a must read for women readers who love memoir, and especially for readers who seek inspiration for coping with the trauma of emotional neglect.
If you are interested, you can pick up your copy of the book here.
Lisa Futscher 