According to spiritual writer Mark Nepo, “When we heal ourselves, we heal the world. For as the body is only as healthy as its individual cells, the world is only as healthy as its individual souls.”
It’s no secret that in the year 2022, our world is not healthy. It hasn’t been healthy for a long time, but I felt an almost palpable shift taking place as early as January 3, 2020 when Australia was on fire and an Iranian General had been assassinated by a US airstrike. To me, it felt like the air changed.
Since then, we’ve lived through a global pandemic, the murder of George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter protests, the insurrection at the US Capitol on January 6, a war in Ukraine, the upheaval of Roe v. Wade, and way too many mass shootings. If I’ve forgotten some things – which no doubt I have – you’ll have to forgive me because it’s been a whirlwind couple of years.
And through it all, we have two sides of the political spectrum blaming, judging, and shaming each other.
As long as we continue to deny the inner work that has to take place, we will continue to seek the answers outside of ourselves, and that takes the form of blame.
Three years ago in May 2019, I wrote the following in my journal: “I think we are all being called to heal ourselves. That’s why we have so much global unhappiness. As long as we continue to deny the inner work that has to take place, we will continue to seek the answers outside of ourselves, and that takes the form of blame. Blaming others can manifest into small, but hurtful acts of bullying and shaming others, but it can result in violent acts like rape, school shootings, and even all out war when unchecked. The answer is to stop putting it on others to do the healing work. We need to do the work within, for ourselves, and have faith and trust that as we heal ourselves, others one-by-one and then in massive shifts will start to receive the message of healing.”
At its core, our current existential crisis relates to the emphasis on externality vs. internality. In other words, we keep seeking solutions to our problems outside of ourselves. But as a species, humans are extremely unhappy right now. We are seeing it in many of the things that I mentioned above, but beyond that, it’s also evident in the increase in suicide and drug related deaths. It is evident in the ubiquitous anxiety and depression that so many of us are facing, not to mention the anger that so many of us are struggling with, taking it out on others in the form of violence, the increase in traffic accidents (which has starkly increased since the start of the pandemic), and simple mistreatment of people in the service industry.
Perhaps it is cliche to say that “happiness comes from within.” And yet we keep hoping that we can create happiness by finding it “out there.” And the more we do that, the more deeply unhappy we are becoming.
What I am really referring to is the tendency of humans to need to organize everything into a hierarchy.
Ultimately, this isn’t really any of our faults. It is a symptom of the patriarchal world culture that we are all a part of. Now, I know that sometimes when people hear the word patriarchy, they dig in their heels saying, “hold up. We live in a world where women have the right to own property, vote, have careers, and even hold leadership positions in the government.” And that is all true.
Sometimes, people also equate this sort of mentality with being “man hating.” And that is not true in the least. Not only are there many men that I know who are kind and compassionate men, whom I love, not least of all my husband. But I also find that men are as much victims to the patriarchal world culture as women are.
What I am really referring to is the tendency of humans to need to organize everything into a hierarchy. According to Jacques Derrida, a famous linguistic philosopher, even the very language we use organizes words and objects into a hierarchical binary.
You might think that the language we use isn’t important, but it is. To use another cliche, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
But as this quote points out, before our words are our thoughts. So much of what we believe has been handed down to us through numerous generations in which men and particularly white men were the ones who held power over women and people of color. And so much of that belief system has been handed down to us through generations.
Largely over the past one hundred or so years, we’ve come a long way in earning rights for marginalized groups, through the end of slavery, voting rights, the Civil Rights Movement and Women’s Right Movment. But there is one area that we have yet to fully explore, and I feel it is the next frontier in terms of human development: that is the cultural front.
Culture is harder to pinpoint. It’s difficult to say precisely at what point ideas shift from belonging to individuals to being part of the culture. But that said, regardless of whether or not we consciously believe that men are better than women, there certainly is a cultural hierarchy placed on masculine traits over feminine traits.
Now what exactly do I mean by masculine and feminine “traits.” Just as historically men were believed to be more powerful, dominant traits tend to be viewed as masculine. Therefore, masculine traits include being active, loud or vocal, logical, and strong. In contrast, feminine traits include being passive, quiet, emotional or feeling, kind, weak or vulnerable. Of course women can possess masculine traits and men can possess feminine traits. But often, when people exhibit traits that are not in line with their gender, we view those people negatively. Women who exhibit masculine traits of speaking her mind, being strong, or assertive might be called a “bitch” or “dyke.” Men who exhibit feminine traits of showing emotional vulnerability or quietness might be called a “pussy” or “faggot.” And yes, I am making broad strokes here to illustrate how as a culture, we still aren’t particularly comfortable with people stepping outside of their gender boxes.
In this system, none of us are safe to feel anything.
But this is precisely what I’m referring to when I am talking about a patriarchal world culture. I am not referring to actual control by men. I am referring to the value system which we are all still a part of. And in this system, we are all victims to this way of thinking because it is hurtful not only to women who are afraid to assert their own needs and express their own feelings, when culturally we’ve been conditioned to be silent. But it is also hurtful to men who are expected to be strong, both physically and emotionally.
In this system, none of us are safe to feel anything. When women are emotional, our feelings are dismissed as insignificant. When men are emotional, they must bury those feelings, lest they be considered feminine. We have been conditioned to believe that our external world matters more than our interior. And that’s a lie.
We desperately need to make the shift. We need to start questioning our thoughts. We need to stop pointing the finger “out there” saying that the world needs to change. Don’t get me wrong; it does need to change, yes. But the change doesn’t start “out there.” It starts “in here.” That’s why we have to start working on healing our own trauma. The trauma of not having been safe to express our feelings before.
So what exactly does healing work look like?
So often, there is talk about how we need more emphasis on mental health services for people. And I absolutely do agree. But, I also think that places the onus “out there.” If you are saying that we need more mental health help, but you aren’t currently working on improving your own mental health, then you are part of the problem.
Healing very well can be seeking a therapist, a psychologist, or psychiatrist. All of these can be incredibly healing.
But healing also can be following a 12-step program like AA, NA, or any of the other slew of Anonymous groups out there.
Healing can be working with a life coach that helps to hold you accountable and causes you to question your own bullshit.
Healing can be having a meditation practice where you are discerning between thoughts that come from ego – your conditioned self – and your higher self.
Healing can be reading self help books, listening to podcasts, or following others on social media who are sharing their own healing journeys with the world.
Healing can be using psychedelics to explore your psyche or interior world.
Healing can come in any number of forms.
But it starts when you become willing to question the dominant paradigm that we are living in and go within. It starts with stopping seeking the answers “out there” and start looking inside. Healing starts when you become curious about your own pain and are willing to evaluate honestly where that pain came from. And it starts when you are willing to accept and honor the wounded child that lives within you.
A long while ago, I posted to my Instagram that “we are all wounded children trapped in adult bodies, trying to heal wounds caused by other wounded children trapped in adult bodies. We are all the same. Acceptance is the key to unlock the door and set ourselves free.”
We need to stop talking, for that’s what blaming is. And start listening – to ourselves. It’s time to go within.
Lisa Futscher 