It’s been a while since I posted my last blog post. This is a fact that no one has probably noticed, except me. But I find it extremely frustrating because it is a constant battle between my desire to create and other tasks that feel more pressing or urgent. I know that I’m not alone in this struggle. When I talk to people about the fact that I’m a writer, the fact that I’m working on a blog or a book, people often say, “I want to write a book one day too.” The real issue here is the fact that we say we will do it “one day.” Most of us seem to experience this feeling like the things that we most want to do, but often put us outside of our comfort zones, can wait until some arbitrary point in the future.
For me, writing is the thing that I procrastinate on, despite wanting to do it. But for others, it might be something else, like creating art, starting a business, or even making time to be present with our loved ones. We feel that at some point, we’ll find time to do the thing that we most want. But for today, we tell ourselves something along the lines of, “the thing that I most want to do can wait.”
Often, before we even know it, our window of opportunity has closed, without us even being aware. If you are someone who has ever experienced the sudden loss of a loved one, or maybe a tragic turn of events in your own life, first of all, I’m sorry. And secondly, you know quite intimately how that future date for those bucket list items might never come in this lifetime. Even if you haven’t had an experience like that personally, you can understand in the abstract how putting off the things that you really want to do can lead to never completing the tasks at all.
So, the question is why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we put off until tomorrow the things that we can do today?
Ultimately, it comes down to ego and fear.
You might be like, “no, Lisa. I’m not afraid of doing [insert the thing that you most want to do], but [insert excuse].” Okay, I might be about to piss you off, but my dear, I’m afraid that I have to call bullshit on that line of thinking. And listen, I’m able to do it because I have used that kind of bullshit thinking on myself for far too long.
So here are some of the bullshit stories we tell ourselves, as well as reasons why that is simply bullshit.
1. We tell ourselves, “I don’t have the time.”
I get that. I lived on that story for the longest time. I was filling up my time with all sorts of important things, like caring for a sick mom, going to school, working. And I’m not suggesting that these things aren’t important and don’t take up a lot of time. But we need to remember that everyone has the same exact 24 hours in a day to accomplish things. When I start to feel overwhelmed I tell myself to think about how major CEOs, self-made entrepreneurs, and celebrities all have the same exact amount of time each day as everyone else.
Time is the great equalizer in that regard. Now don’t get me started. Yes, the system is fucked. Yes, people at the top have more resources to accomplish their goals. But it doesn’t have to take massive amounts of time to begin making progress. Guess what? You are taking time right now to do something that I’m guessing isn’t [insert the thing that you most want to do] because I find it pretty hard to believe that reading my blog is that thing for you (and if it is, well hey, thank YOU!). All joking aside, I do genuinely appreciate you taking the time to read my post, and you should be filling your mind with positive uplifting content, which is what I aim to provide. But, we all waste time.
I’m not suggesting that every single moment of every single day needs to be goal oriented either. You do need time to relax and decompress. But I suggest that you check yourself to think about where your time is actually going. And when you are wasting time, think about why you do it? In my experience, the answer is always related to avoiding something emotional, which you might not even be conscious of. And that’s what you really need to look at.
So in short, my wish is not so much to call bullshit on the belief that “I don’t have the time” but for you to learn to question that belief for yourself. It’s not necessarily about waking up tomorrow and being like, “I’m going to start doing [the thing].” But it is about recognizing that time is not really what’s blocking you. And you are going to forever be blocked on the thing that you want until you realize that for yourself. My wish for you is that you start working right now on identifying and dismantling that block.
2. “I don’t know enough yet” or “I’m not good enough to do it yet.”
When I was a little girl, I thought that the adults knew everything. I couldn’t wait to be an adult when I would know everything too. But here I am, 36 years old, and I find that there’s way more stuff that I still don’t know than what I do. If I had to guess, if you’re really, really honest with yourself, you’ll find that to be true for you too. In reality, no one really has anything figured out. All we have to do is look at Global Warming to see that to be true. It’s obvious to everyone that something massive is changing in our environment, and yet our politicians and scientists can’t get on the same page about what is going on. My point is that even the people who run this joint that we call planet Earth don’t seem to know the perfect solution to fix our problems, and that’s why your voice matters too. We are all in this together, trying to figure this out together. And how can you ever expect yourself to contribute in a meaningful way, when you believe that you can’t participate until you know more.
I know on a surface level, this might seem only relevant to writing, but it can be applied to business, art, science, even within our own family units too. We won’t experience innovations unless people try new things. Even if you are just trying something new in the safety of your own home, you are building the skills and teaching your family, including children if you have any, that it is safe to make mistakes. We give away our power when we say that we aren’t good enough to do [the thing]. We allow others to control the narrative, but your voice matters too. And sure, maybe you aren’t the world’s leading expert on [the thing], but if your thing can make a difference to one single person, then it isn’t wasted.
Also, we learn through action, not inaction. So if you really, truly want to become good enough to do the thing, then you have to just do it. This blog post is evidence of that very thing. I know it isn’t the best thing I’ve ever written. I’m throwing this together in the early morning on a weekday, as my family sleeps. But I know that as long as I keep these ideas to myself, I’m sitting here being selfish. The lessons I’ve learned might help someone else that is struggling with the same paralysis that I’ve experienced. The reality is that few people may actually read my ramblings. But I know that I get better by doing, not thinking.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe in the power of positive thinking. But thinking will only take you so far. At some point, you have to do. And yea, it’s going to be messy. But fuck anyone else who thinks it’s not good enough. Everyone has to start somewhere. And ya know what? That same fact is true whether you start from scratch or invest $100,000 into a degree that says you can do [the thing]. Life experience wins over credentials every single time.
3. “Something else is taking priority” or “something else needs to happen first.”
By now you might be like, “okay, Lisa. I can get on board with the fact that maybe I could manage my time better or maybe I don’t have to be perfect to get started, but I just need [insert your priority here] before I can really do [the thing].” I don’t know your personal priorities, but I can tell you mine: my “priorities” (i.e. excuses, I’m just saying) typically read like “a clean house”, “to be organized”, or “money.” Now, to be clear, I’m not saying that these things don’t matter. I need a clean house and to be organized in some way to be able to think clearly. Even if you don’t resonate with that, I’m sure you resonate with the fact that we all need money to live. Also, I do believe in priorities. But this post is not about having enough time to do everything. If you are telling yourself that “I just can’t do everything,” then I hope you will realize that the belief that you have to do everything is the very bullshit rule that I’m talking about. I know this very intimately because my mom used to tell herself that, and I did the same thing for a long time to myself. The fact is that there will never be enough time to do everything.
What I’m talking about is when we tell ourselves that there isn’t enough time to do the thing that would bring the greatest amount of happiness and fulfillment to your life. Because I do believe that we can all find time for that. But to be honest, taking some time, even if it is only just a few minutes each day, to work towards [the thing] isn’t really going to prevent you from getting organized or making money or doing [your priority]. But does spending time reading this blog post bring you closer to the thing? I hope it inspires you, sure, but my guess is that you stumbled across it while you were scrolling somewhere else. Does scrolling Facebook or binging on Netflix bring you closer to the thing? Would it really hurt you to reallocate some of the time you use on doing those things to doing the thing you really want? I still watch Netflix. I still scroll on Facebook. And I can still do “the thing” for me, which is writing. So while yes, we do have to prioritize our time, we have to recognize when our priorities are coming from a bullshit story that we learned.
The true litmus test to discovering if our “priorities” are actually excuses is to try a shift in our language. A wise woman named Cheryl Force, who is Pure Romance’s Sr. Vice President of Sales and Training once suggested that instead of saying,
“I can’t do [insert the thing] because [insert your reason]”
say,
“I can’t do [insert the thing] because it isn’t a priority to me.”
This explanation had a profound impact on me because I realized that when you change your phrasing, you begin to realize how ridiculous it is to tell yourself something isn’t a priority. For example, I might say to myself
“I can’t write today because I don’t have time.”
But if I change my language to say,
“I can’t write today because it isn’t a priority to me,”
I realize that I’m making excuses because writing is personally a huge priority to me. Writing is the one thing that I think about doing constantly. When you make excuses and prioritize things before the thing you want to do most, you are indirectly saying that it isn’t a priority to you. And that’s okay if it isn’t a priority. But it’s a problem if it is. And if you are still blocking yourself, even when you realize that it is a priority, then you need to go back to item #1 above and start working on dismantling the belief system that causes you to avoid doing the thing that is most important to you.
So what’s the next step?
So now, we are back where we started. In reality, I believe that the only thing that is keeping you from doing the thing that you most want to do is the bullshit story that you tell yourself. And that bullshit story comes from ego and from fear. I once learned from our CEO Chris Cicchinelli at a Pure Romance training that I attended, there are only two fears that we are born with: fear of falling and fear of loud noises. So where did you learn to be afraid of the thing that holds you back? My wish for you is that you will begin to look at that idea and unpack it for yourself. Because you are bigger than your fears and your ego. You have so much more to give this world. Don’t let that stop you.
Those are the top three excuses that I tell myself. Did you find your excuse in the list? Is there something else that you tell yourself that I missed? I’d love to hear it! Please drop your experience in the comments below, whether this resonated with you or if you think there’s something else I missed!
Lisa Futscher 